Yu Wanwan grabbed her iPad and sat next to him, straightening her back to project a serious mentor vibe: "First, before we officially start the lesson, I need to ask you a question—what type of girl do you like?"
Zhang Jingxu's eyes froze, and his expression turned doubtful. He murmured, "What type of girl?"
She said, "You need to tell me what type of girl you like, so I can tailor the course to your needs and help you avoid detours. Got it?"
Hearing that, the man fell into deep thought, looking completely clueless.
Seeing that her student had no idea what type of girl he liked, Yu Wanwan twirled the pen in her hand and decided to give him examples: "Let me give you a few examples. Girls come in many types—for instance... do you like the mature, cold, and aloof older-sister type, or the soft and cute younger-sister type who's easy to push over? Or the lively type, the introverted type, the passionate type, the gentle type, or the derpy type..."
"Derpy type." Before she could finish, Zhang Jingxu cut her off, his gaze fixed steadily on her face.
Yu Wanwan hesitated for a moment, then tentatively asked, "You like the derpy type?"
She had always thought that someone with high intelligence like Zhang Jingxu would prefer a cool and aloof type who matched him in strength. She never expected him to like derpy, funny girls.
The contrast really shocked her.
"Mm," Zhang Jingxu nodded seriously.
Seeing this, Yu Wanwan cleared her throat and began to teach earnestly: "Alright, but girls of the derpy type are actually quite hard to pursue. The first step to chasing this type of girl..."
She picked up her pen and wrote the topic of this lesson on the iPad. The tip of the pen made a soft scratching sound against the screen: "Mindset Building—Strive to make her one of 'your own.'"
After writing the topic, Yu Wanwan drew three lines, marking numbers 1, 2, and 3 at the front of each line. She spoke methodically: "First point: Girls of this type usually have strong insight. So when you're with her, you have to let go of your baggage, use less tricks, and be more sincere. Don't play mind games with her. Not that you'd succeed anyway.
Second point: Don't treat her as 'prey.' Instead, treat her as a 'good buddy.' Your goal isn't conquest; it's integration. When you're together, think about how to create happiness with her, not how to win her over. If you understand this, you'll be halfway there.
Third point, and the most important one: You need to be able to keep up with her jokes and memes. That's the key to becoming friends.
Even if her jokes are incredibly boring to you, you must never put her down or give her a confused look."
Zhang Jingxu looked at her lesson plan seriously, then raised his head to ask, "Then what should I do?"
Yu Wanwan tapped the screen with her pen tip: "If you think her joke is boring or you can't follow it, just smile genuinely at her and say, 'I find you really interesting,' or 'You win, hahaha.' Never say, 'You're so boring' in a dismissive tone."
They were sitting very close, only an arm's length apart. As Yu Wanwan wrote down the key points, she accidentally brushed her hand against his when she raised it. She didn't think much of it and continued her lecture:
"A funny girl can't be boring. If you can't keep up with her jokes or don't find them funny, it means your souls haven't resonated yet. That's your problem. You need to reflect on yourself, not blame her for being uninteresting.
Remember one core taboo: never mock the source of a funny girl's happiness."
She wrote down her thoughts on the iPad: "In short, the bottom line is, you need to put yourself in the role of a straight man. Not only must you keep up with her jokes, but when appropriate, you should also throw out funnier ones than hers.
This back-and-forth 'joke battle' is the foundation of your revolutionary friendship. Understand?"
After saying this, Yu Wanwan looked up, and her gaze accidentally met his. This gave her a strange feeling. They stared at each other for a good five seconds, then tacitly looked away.
"So..." Zhang Jingxu paused, then tentatively asked, "To chase this type of girl, I have to become as derpy and funny as her?"
"Uh..." Yu Wanwan clenched her hand on her lap, then released it. She thought for a moment before clarifying: "Not necessarily. You can stay true to yourself, but you must learn to appreciate and protect her derpiness. Think of the girl you like as a priceless jade, and you as the 'connoisseur.' Got it?"
The man, having absorbed the knowledge seriously, nodded earnestly: "I understand."
"Good that you understand." Yu Wanwan continued to write and draw on the screen. "These are all solid tips. If you want to easily win over a funny girl, you must take every word I say to heart."
Zhang Jingxu assumed a model-student posture: "I'm listening."
"Actually, to chase this type of girl, the most important thing is to have an 8G internet speed, plus a flexible mind and emotional intelligence. Then you can easily get her jokes." She sorted out her thoughts and continued, "How about this: I'll test you with a few brainteasers to see how flexible your mind is."
Hearing this, Zhang Jingxu immediately switched to model-student mode, sitting up straight and upright.
"Ahem..." Yu Wanwan cleared her throat and asked, "First question: Why is a flower funny?"
Zhang Jingxu froze, not understanding: "...Huh?"
What does that mean?
Seeing his confused expression, Yu Wanwan instantly felt like she was teaching a slow student. Although he had seemed like a top student when she was lecturing, now that the 'exam' started, he couldn't even answer such a simple question.
She simply revealed the answer: "Because it has a stalk."
Hearing the answer, Zhang Jingxu still looked clueless: "...Why?"
"What do you mean 'why'? Didn't I just say it's because it has a stalk?" Yu Wanwan emphasized the last word hard. This guy's reaction time was way too long.
She decided to give him another chance: "One more question: Which animal can open a bottle cap?"
Zhang Jingxu thought seriously for a moment, then answered: "A monkey?"
"Wrong! It's a peacock, because a peacock spreads its tail (open bottle)."
Zhang Jingxu: "Huh?"
What was all this?
Hearing that he couldn't answer a single question and kept going "Huh" "Huh" "Huh" even after she explained, Yu Wanwan couldn't take it anymore and scolded: "Hey, can you pay attention in class? I ask you to answer, and you just go 'huh'? You can't even answer such simple questions. Did you let everything I said go in one ear and out the other?"
She now seriously suspected that while he looked like he was diligently studying, his mind had actually wandered off long ago.
"No..." Zhang Jingxu felt wronged. "I don't understand."
Her questions were so weird and tricky.
He, a top student who found Stanford a breeze, was completely stumped by her questions.
Yu Wanwan put on a "this student is hopeless" expression and sighed to the sky: "You really... I said brainteasers, brainteasers! Your brain has to make the jump!"
Finally, she tiredly suggested: "Forget it. I don't think you can handle the derpy type at all. Your brain is either flawed or rusty; it just can't make the leap. If that's the case, why not switch to a different type of girl? For example, the soft and cute type who's easy to push over. I think that type suits you better, and the course is easier than the derpy one."
"No." Zhang Jingxu said firmly, "Since we've already chosen the type and started the lesson, how can we just change our minds?"
Yu Wanwan glanced at him. This guy, though 'dumb' in his brain, was quite 'faithful' when it came to the girl type he liked.
Considering he bought her a bag today and brought her a million-dollar prize, and as a good teacher who never gives up on even the worst students, Yu Wanwan thought it over and decided to use encouragement-based education.
She stood up, grabbed her bag from the sofa, placed one hand on the back of the chair, and tried to speak gently: "How about this: to encourage you, we'll do a quiz with prizes. For every question you answer correctly, I'll give you 100. But if you answer wrong or can't answer, you give me 1,000. Deal?"
"Deal." Having failed to answer twice in a row, Zhang Jingxu's competitive spirit was roused. He agreed without caring whether it was a fair deal: "Ask me again. I'll definitely get it this time."
"Good." Seeing that she had successfully sparked his fighting spirit, Yu Wanwan gave him a sly smile and said, "I'll start with an easy one. Question: What plant and what animal are most like a chicken?"
Zhang Jingxu had heard this one in kindergarten, but after two consecutive failures, he lacked confidence. When he spoke, his voice was hesitant: "Tree... horse? Like a chicken (digital camera)?"
"Yes." Yu Wanwan kept her word and pulled a hundred-yuan bill from her bag, handing it to him. "Here, 100. Keep it up."
She continued: "Gold, wood, water, fire, earth—who has the longest legs?"
"Fire... has long legs?" Again, Zhang Jingxu answered hesitantly, but he was gradually regaining his confidence.
"Bingo." Yu Wanwan pulled another red bill from her bag and handed it to him. "Congratulations, you've earned another 100."
"I've given you two easy ones. Now I'll step it up a notch. Question: An illiterate person couldn't read any characters. One day, walking on the road, he suddenly could read. Why is that?"