That evening when she got home, as soon as she turned the key in the lock, Chang Xuyu heard the wearying, anxious sound of arguing.
Chang Qingshan was back.
Her heart leaped into her throat. She rushed inside, and sure enough, Chang Qingshan had been drinking heavily again.
The two had just had a fight. Her mother stood there with her hair in disarray, tears in her eyes. The floor was a mess, littered with broken glass and various objects.
Chang Qingshan had been drinking. The glass shards on the floor were probably from the beer bottles he had brought.
Chang Xuyu ran over and hugged her sobbing mother, gently patting her back. She bit her lip and looked toward her drunken father.
"Dad, did you hit Mom again?"
Chang Qingshan's face was bright red. He swayed where he stood, frowning at her words. He waved his hand angrily and roared, "Get out, you little girl. You're always colluding with your mother. No one in this house understands my suffering!"
He pounded his chest, his voice raspy. He had chronic pharyngitis, and by the end, he was almost shouting, barely able to produce sound.
When Chang Qingshan was drunk, his words were always harsh. Her mother nearly jumped up in anger, pointing at him and cursing, "How did I end up marrying a useless man like you! You can't even bring in money, and you keep throwing it away outside! Chang Qingshan, you suffer? You've squandered all our family's money. You're never home. Do you know what kind of miserable life your daughter and I have been living?"
"That's your fault too. Your womb is useless, giving birth to a girl who's completely worthless. If you had given me a son, he'd be old enough to help support the family by now!"
Chang Qingshan shouted back, deliberately choosing the most hurtful words.
Whenever the subject came up, her mother would fly into a rage. Her mind felt like a blur; she didn't want to think about anything except grabbing something nearby and hitting him with it.
"You heartless bastard! How dare you say such rubbish! You're going to anger me to death! Then have Xuyu be reborn!"
The woman pushed Chang Xuyu away. Her tears flowed faster along with her shouts and blows, the sounds of yelling and objects striking bodies filling the living room.
Chang Xuyu stumbled back two steps. For a moment, it felt like the air and time had frozen. She felt a slight pain and raised her hand. Oh, the palm had been cut by a piece of broken glass.
She steadied herself against the edge of the table and closed her eyes. Everything spun for a second. It felt like all the blood in her body was flowing backward. Watching her parents tussling, she suddenly felt very cold.
She had heard her parents say this more than once. Almost every time they argued, they would drag out the fact that she wasn't a boy and fight about it. But she tried so hard to be good, and yet she still couldn't escape it.
Sometimes, did that mean her existence itself was a mistake? No one cared about her. Would anyone care if she lived or died?
No, maybe when she really died, her parents would feel a little regret?
Chang Xuyu took a deep breath, glanced indifferently at the wound on her palm from being pushed, and...
...
Finally, Chang Shengnan happened to drop by and put an end to the chaos.
She scolded her brother and sister-in-law harshly, looked at her niece with pity, shot a dagger-filled glare at the couple, and promptly took Chang Xuyu out of the house.
Chang Shengnan was planning to leave the city and go into business.
They holed up in a hotel room. Chang Shengnan bought roasted sweet potatoes and sugar-coated hawthorn sticks for Chang Xuyu.
In the dim room, the ceiling light flickered now and then. Chang Xuyu ate slowly, sniffling, chewing each bite deliberately.
Chang Shengnan looked at her thin little face, pursed her lips, tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, and said gently, "Xuyu, Auntie is leaving next week."
"Auntie, are you really going into business?"
The sweet potato flesh melted in her mouth like syrup, driving away half the bitterness in her heart.
The little girl stared at her with big eyes brimming with tears and reluctance.
"Auntie, I'm worried about you. Because of Grandma and Grandpa..." she trailed off.
Chang Shengnan smiled and wiped the stain from the corner of her mouth with her thumb, nodding. Then she thought of tonight's events and bit her lip.
Her parents had both been in business. When they lost money, they couldn't handle the blow—one jumped off a building, the other died of depression soon after.
By the time her sister-in-law married into the family, the family had no money left. So for all these years, her sister-in-law had resented them, never stopping her complaints.
This time too, it started because Chang Qingshan came asking for money, saying he wanted to invest in a business deal, which led to the big fight with his wife.
It was their family's fault.
Once she started working and earning money, she would compensate her sister-in-law.
But Xuyu was still young. She wouldn't tell her these things.
Chang Shengnan ruffled Chang Xuyu's hair and explained softly, "It's okay. Auntie's not afraid. If you don't take a risk, you can't make money."
Chang Xuyu held half a sweet potato, feeling very sad.
Even Auntie was leaving her...
"Auntie, promise you'll come back to see Xiaoyu, okay?" Her eyes were full of tears as she looked at Chang Shengnan with a pout.
"I will."
Seeing her like this, Chang Shengnan's eyes grew hot. She forced herself to stand up, pretending nothing was wrong, and told Chang Xuyu to remember to brush her teeth after eating.
*
The next morning, Chang Xuyu took the bus home by herself.
When she walked in the door, she saw her mother cleaning the house with two swollen eyes, as if the chaos from last night had never happened.
The woman glanced at her, frowned, but said nothing, continuing to mop the floor.
Remembering what her parents had said last night, the sadness welled up inside Chang Xuyu again. She didn't say a word, went into her room, and started doing arithmetic problems.