That night, Helan Pei couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned, repeatedly thinking: Does Lu Shuo really like her? Before today, she had never considered this question, never seriously pondered what her relationship with Lu Shuo was. She had read many books, but not many about romantic love. What would a man do if he liked a woman? She wasn't sure. Her parents were an old married couple and couldn't serve as a reference. Her brothers hadn't shown any signs of such matters. The only one who might fit was her cousin? Although her cousin had never said it, Helan Pei guessed he probably liked that Miss Zhao. But he and Lu Shuo were completely different people, and she and Miss Zhao were also completely different. How could she use that as a reference? Helan Pei was confused. She thought for a long time without finding an answer, so she switched to another question: If Lu Shuo really liked her, what should she do? This question was obviously more troubling than the last. Helan Pei stared blankly at the bed canopy above, her mind a tangled mess. Based on her shallow experience, if one person likes another, there should only be two outcomes: either they get together or they don't. Did she want to be with Lu Shuo? Helan Pei covered her face. To be honest, she had never thought about them not being together—what she meant was, in her heart, Lu Shuo should be like her brothers, living with her forever. How could they separate? But now, she suddenly realized they might really separate. They had grown up. Even if Lu Shuo still lived in the Duke Mansion, he couldn't often stay alone with her for long periods like before. If things went normally, Lu Shuo would eventually marry and have children, right? If he married and had children, they would have to completely avoid suspicion. She had few friends. Lu Shuo was her closest friend outside her family, and to some extent, he had transcended friendship, almost like a half-relative. The thought of losing this friend or relative in the future and drawing a line between them made her extremely uncomfortable. But if Lu Shuo liked her... Helan Pei rolled around in bed wrapped in her quilt a few more times. If Lu Shuo liked her and they wanted to be together, could it only be in that kind of relationship? But how would that kind of relationship work? Wouldn't it be awkward... She wasn't prepared for that at all... Couldn't men and women in this world simply stay together out of deep affection? Did they have to develop a further relationship? On the other hand, maybe her cousin was too narrow-minded, thinking that Lu Shuo's liking for her was romantic. What if Lu Shuo, like her, just simply wanted to be together? Maybe... maybe he just had a strong possessiveness over friendship and didn't like outsiders intervening, which was why he was jealous of her cousin? ...Well, she couldn't even convince herself with that reason. Helan Pei lay on the bed, biting the corner of the quilt, and banged her head against the bedboard twice in pain. Ah, why are there so many troubles in life? Before, she used to think how unfortunate it was that she was mute; now she wished she were simply an idiot... Wait. Helan Pei suddenly stopped. She finally remembered that she was mute. Mute. She had reached the age for marriage discussions, but no matchmaker had ever come, only because she was mute. Yes, why had she only now remembered that she was mute? If there were better choices, no one would marry a mute as a wife. Lu Shuo too. He was her father's adopted son; he could at least secure a minor official position, and with his diligence and hard work, he might even be promoted. According to common sense, he should marry a woman beneficial to his official career, or at least a capable, virtuous helper. In short, not a mute like her, raised in the inner chambers and knowing nothing. Helan Pei became calmer than ever before. She turned over and lay flat on the bed. Was it important whether Lu Shuo liked her or not? If he liked her, maybe it was just due to prolonged companionship, or because he only traveled between the Duke Mansion and the Imperial Academy and had no contact with other women. Helan Pei suddenly felt very sad. She knew Lu Shuo was a good person, but if this good person really only liked her, she would feel sad for him, as if he would thereby lose many better opportunities. She also felt sad for herself. Just now she had been blushing and heart-racing, thinking about how she could have that kind of relationship with Lu Shuo, feeling embarrassed and awkward. In a flash, she realized she had been thinking too shallowly. Compared to face issues, wasn't the biggest problem that she was mute? Expressions and gestures could only convey so much. What if one day, in a special situation without paper and pen, she could only stare blankly at him? If they were to have children in the future, would the children be mocked by others because of her problem? And if she couldn't call their names, wouldn't they be like the puppy she once had, running off when someone else called, ignoring her frantic jumping behind them? She had never thought so deeply before, but today, suddenly, she broke out in a cold sweat. Helan Pei was completely unable to sleep. She lay quietly in bed for a long time, then got dressed and stood up. Carefully avoiding the bell by the bed that would ring if pulled, she walked to the door and gently opened it. The cold wind rushed in. Zisu, in the adjacent room, was fast asleep. Standing in the courtyard, Helan Pei didn't really know what to do. She stared blankly for a while until she felt cold and couldn't stand there any longer. She took a few steps and aimlessly wandered outside. In the dead of night, she roamed in the darkness and unconsciously arrived at the entrance of Lu Shuo's courtyard. It was also pitch black, even the lanterns under the eaves were extinguished. She silently looked at his house, thinking: If he really likes her, would he also have had sleepless nights like she did tonight? If he really likes her, why has he never told her? What is he afraid of? Or does he know they shouldn't be together, so he never intended to start? How deep is his liking for her? If she told him she already knew his feelings, would he panic or feel relieved? ... The night was too cold; Helan Pei quickly lost her sentimental thoughts. This was the first time she had wandered around in the middle of the night without sleeping. How could she have imagined it would be so cold outside even in spring? She wrapped her clothes tightly, sniffled, but ultimately couldn't persist, and shivered back inside. So after that night, Helan Pei successfully fell ill. She lay in bed, burning with fever and dizzy. Zhang Yizhu sat by her bed and asked Zisu worriedly, "How did she suddenly get a fever? Did she catch a cold at night?" Zisu was also puzzled and said, "I don't know, miss. I checked the brazier; the charcoal was normal. Maybe miss kicked off her quilt at night?" Helan Pei: "..." She dared not tell the truth. She hummed and pulled the quilt over herself, pretending to sleep. Zhang Yizhu had to say to Zisu, "Watch over her. Make sure she takes her medicine on time." Zisu: "Yes." Helan Pei slept groggily for most of the day. During that time, Zisu helped her up to eat a little food and take some medicine, then she went back to sleep. By afternoon, the fever had subsided somewhat, and she was a bit more lucid. She snuggled in her quilt. The sunlight was blocked by the gauze curtain, and the whole room was dim. Zisu pushed open the door, carrying water. Seeing her awake, she quickly put down the water and came over to feel Helan Pei's forehead. "Miss, are you feeling better?" Helan Pei nodded. Zisu asked, "Would you like some water?" Helan Pei nodded again. Zisu poured her a cup of warm water, helped her sit up, and let her drink slowly. "Young Master Shen came by earlier and asked about your condition. He asked me to convey his regards," Zisu said. Helan Pei choked on a mouthful of water and coughed repeatedly. Her cousin knew she was sick? He was probably laughing at her behind her back for being "troubled by love" and making herself sick on the very first day. Luckily, her face was already red from fever, so Zisu didn't notice anything unusual. She just patted her back to help her breathe and told her to drink more slowly. Helan Pei's illness lasted three or four days before she mostly recovered. But she was too ashamed to see Shen Hechuan, so she stayed cooped up in her room, claiming it was cold outside and she didn't want to go out. Zhang Yizhu indulged her, having all three meals delivered to her room. If she wanted to see her daughter, she could go herself. Her father and eldest brother also came to check on her after work each day, and seeing her improving, they felt relieved. In the blink of an eye, it was time for the Imperial Academy's holiday. Helan Pei sat by the window, absentmindedly flipping through a book, occasionally glancing outside. Soon, Zisu pushed open the door and entered. "Miss, the Second Young Master and the others are here." As expected, Helan Pei took a deep breath and put down the book. As soon as Helan Chang entered her room, he sniffed. "I heard you were sick a few days ago? How are you now? Why does the room still smell of medicine?" They had returned to the Imperial Academy too early and had no idea she had been ill. Zisu helped answer, "Miss has long recovered. She just coughs occasionally. The medicine smell isn't for illness; it's medicinal broth. Madam said to nourish her body." "That's good," Helan Chang said with relief. "I thought you were still sick." Helan Rong said, "You get sick so easily. Don't go out for now until the weather warms up." Helan Pei nodded. She cast her gaze toward Lu Shuo, who was standing behind her brothers. She had thought about him a lot these days. She had expected to feel uncomfortable seeing him, but when she actually saw him, a strange longing suddenly arose in her heart. What exactly she longed for, she didn't know. Lu Shuo looked at her, pursed his lips, and after seeming to think for a while, softly said, "Miss, please rest well." Helan Pei stared at him. Lu Shuo's gaze began to wander. Helan Chang said, "We'll head back then?" Helan Pei didn't respond. Helan Chang and the others thought she was just too lazy to speak and didn't think much of it, so they left directly. Lu Shuo lagged behind, turning back to glance at her. He saw her staring intently at him, her eyes seemingly covered in a mist. His heart suddenly felt as if it had been gripped, a sharp pain. He dared not look again and hurriedly ran off in a panic. He left. He really just left like that. Helan Pei slowly lay down on the desk, feeling a lump in her throat, stifled and tight. She was unhappy, very unhappy. Before, he wasn't like this. Although she didn't get sick often, every time she did, he would come to visit. Even if he couldn't help with anything substantial, he would do small things within his power. For example, picking two fresh flowers to put in a vase for her, or bringing some malt sugar to mask the taste of medicine. Little things like that made her feel that being sick wasn't so boring. But now he had changed. He no longer wanted to be close to her. Was it really just because he misunderstood her relationship with her cousin? But her cousin wasn't even here. That strange longing disappeared, replaced by deep disappointment. But what was she disappointed about? Disappointed that Lu Shuo hadn't shown his "liking"? Even if he did, what then? Hadn't she already thought it through? She was mute; he shouldn't like her. "Miss, what's wrong?" Zisu asked with concern. "Are you feeling unwell again?" Helan Pei gave a vague "mm." "Ah? Where do you feel unwell?" Zisu said nervously. "Should I call the doctor?" Helan Pei turned her face and stared at Zisu until Zisu felt a chill. Then she grabbed the brush beside her and fiercely wrote a few large characters on the paper: "I feel unwell in my heart!" "This..." Zisu was stunned. "Who offended miss?" Helan Pei didn't reply. Zisu frowned and after a moment of silence, said, "Then I'll take my leave and not disturb miss." The door closed, leaving her alone in the room. Helan Pei looked at the paper with the large characters pressed under her elbow. The more she looked, the more irritated she became. Finally, she crumpled it into a ball and threw it into the brazier. ... When it was time for lunch, Helan Pei couldn't stay alone any longer. With a cold face, she walked out of her room and headed to the dining hall. As luck would have it, she ran into Lu Shuo on the way. Seeing her, Lu Shuo lowered his eyelashes and called out, "Miss." Helan Pei ignored him, looked straight ahead, and walked right past him. Zisu glanced at Helan Pei in surprise, then at Lu Shuo in surprise, but ultimately said nothing and followed Helan Pei. Lu Shuo stood frozen, never expecting her to ignore him like that. This had never happened before. Had... had he angered her? But what had he done? He had just returned to the mansion! Lu Shuo panicked. He quickened his pace, instinctively wanting to catch up, but dared not chase too closely. He could only follow at a distance, looking like he was stalking. At the entrance of the dining hall, Helan Pei met Shen Hechuan, whom she hadn't seen for several days. As soon as he saw her, Shen Hechuan couldn't help but smile. "Long time no see, cousin. You look well, so you must have recovered from your illness. Finally willing to come out today?" Helan Pei: "..." The awkwardness of that night flooded back. Helan Pei's ears reddened. She wanted to escape, but when she turned her head, she saw Lu Shuo standing nearby. He looked a bit dazed, frowning at Shen Hechuan as if not understanding what he meant. Helan Pei swallowed her throat. She rarely felt grateful that she didn't have to speak, so she didn't have to greet anyone. She lifted her skirt and turned into the dining hall. Shen Hechuan walked over to Lu Shuo and said in a low voice, "Young Master Lu, you made her unhappy?" Lu Shuo looked at him in shock, not understanding why he was suddenly speaking to him like that. Seeing that he didn't answer, Shen Hechuan laughed again and shrugged. "Girls are like that. They need to be coaxed to be happy. Unfortunately, I have exams and no time for that." Then, without waiting for a reaction, he entered the dining hall. Lu Shuo stared blankly at his back. Until a hand patted his shoulder. Helan Rong poked his head out from behind. "What are you standing here for? Not eating?" "Oh... yeah." Lu Shuo snapped back to reality and entered the hall, head down. The Spring Imperial Examination was coming soon. Zhang Yizhu asked Shen Hechuan how his review was going, whether he slept well at night, and if he felt any discomfort. Shen Hechuan answered each question. Helan Pei listened absentmindedly, eating while secretly observing Lu Shuo with her peripheral vision. Her cousin said that whenever she was present, Lu Shuo would often steal glances at her. Was that true? She didn't quite believe it, but secretly hoped to verify it. First time. Helan Pei keenly caught the moment he looked up. Second time. He quickly glanced at her while picking up vegetables, and she caught him again. Third time. He pretended to look at a passing insect, but was actually stealing another glance at her, and she caught him once more. Helan Pei chewed slowly, a small mouthful of rice being chewed over and over. She thought to herself, So what her cousin said was true. How had she never noticed it before? Her emotions were complicated. Unbeknownst to her, the table had grown quiet. Helan Rong looked at Helan Pei, then at Lu Shuo, and asked in confusion, "What are you two doing, exchanging glances?"
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